Dear Carol,
I woke up late so I had to warm-up in the car on the way to the agent's
office...singing and dancing, as much as I could, to music from a CD. I was
to do two monologues for agents so they could decide if they wanted to
represent me. The last thing I did before going into the office is read
through some notes from the Off Balance On Target workshop that I had done
the weekend before. Things like:
"Breath comes first. If awareness is on the breath and the body is alive,
everything else will take care of itself."
"Embrace the vulnerability. Camera's scare me. Monologues scare me. What
great fuel!!! Use the fear and refocus the energy it gives me."
"My mind invents rules to protect me from having to take risks. Those rules
don't exist. Anything goes."
"It's all about commitment. If I fully commit to anything, no matter how
much my mind screams to me that it is rediculous, it will be wonderful and
the audience will make sense of it for me."
I know that I was taking in the agents (there were three in the room)
because, during the first monologue, I was aware that they looked confused.
They didn't seem to know if the monologue was dramatic or comic so they were
afraid to laugh. In stead of taking off the pressure, I turned it up and let
the monologue become more dramatic. The last line is obviously comic and
they all laughed with relief.
The second monologue was very dramatic...manic even. I did things and said
things in ways that I never had before despite having done the monologue
hundreds of times. When I finished, they all stood slack jawed. After
several seconds, the head of the agency finally said, "Wow, those were two
contrasting monologues, alright. Thanks for coming in. We'll call you."
I thought I was sunk. I called my manager who had gotten me the audition and
told her that I thought it went OK. She told me she would give them a couple
of hours to think about it and then call them to find out their verdict. She
called back five minutes later.
"Honey, I didn't get a chance to call. They called ME. Do you want to know
what they said, 'That guy you sent us, Hans Hoffman, is the real deal. It
makes us excited about being representatives all over again.'"
Thank you, Gary and Carol, for teaching me to embrace and fully commit to
the unknown.
Hans